Getting back together after a break up is usually the only thing you can think about after it happens. However, you have to think about whether or not it’s only you that feels this way, or if your ex feels the same way as well. If both of you are interested in trying again, and are both willing to do whatever it takes, then you are definitely on the right path to reuniting.
There are things that caused the break up, obviously, and it will take effort to get past them if you want things to work out. but, if the desire of getting back together after a break up is one-sided then it will be very difficult, if not impossible for it to happen. It’s going to take a full commitment from both parties to get back together and be happy again.
Now, this is where things can get a bit tricky. Nobody likes to admit that they were the reason the break up happened. You need to move beyond that and be ready and willing to admit the things you did wrong. Don’t worry about looking bad. This isn’t really about you as a person, but it is about the relationship and making it work. At the same time, your ex should also be at the point where they are able to admit fault in the interest of working things out.
Be up front and honest. It’s one thing to say you were wrong and made mistakes, and quite another to say you were but then immediately justify everything you did by making excuses. You need to take responsibility for your actions. Excuses simply will not work for getting back together after a break up. Besides, each of you will have to admit where you went wrong if you are to have any chance of fixing it.
Assuming you are both ready to do whatever it takes, it’s time to start making plans for getting back together. The key here is to take things slowly. Give each other some time to process what is going on after each step in the reconciliation process. If you were living together, don’t jump right back into that, but rather spend more and more time together. Take small steps and build on each successive step. Over time your relationship will start to grow again.
If you are both able to follow these simple guidelines about getting back together after a break up, then you will find success. However, you will never be able to have the same relationship you had before. What?! Don’t worry, that’s not a bad thing. Just because it will be different, doesn’t mean that it will be worse. In fact, it is entirely possible that it will be better than ever because you will have rebuilt the relationship together, and learned how to communicate better while you were doing it. It won’t always be easy, but it will definitely be worth the effort.
Help Save Marriage Advice Is For Your Taking
Help save marriage advice is right here. No one has all the answers, I sure don’t. But I also know that human nature is such that we tend to make things harder than we have to and we tend to not see the forest for the trees. That’s why getting advice from a complete stranger can be so effective, I may not know you but more than likely (even though it may be hard to understand) your situation isn’t all that unique. Marriages fall apart for two major reasons: lack of respect, and lack of communication. Finding ways to reverse those bad habits can help you save your marriage and even make it stronger than it’s ever been. An added bonus is that it can also make you a better person.
First of all, let’s look at the lack of respect. This can be manifested in many many ways. It can be subtle like making snide comments or ‘jokes’ about the way your spouse cooks, the extra pounds they’re carrying around, etc. The point is it does come out and all that does is hurt your spouses feelings and make them angry and resentful towards you. When that happens they will either withdraw from you and not want to let themselves open up with you or they will get back at you and start making similar type comments to you. Once that happens everything can spiral out of control very quickly.
Step one is to carefully, and honestly, analyze the way you treat your spouse. There is no such thing as a ‘joke’ if it hurts your spouses feelings. If you’ve ever said something and they said that your comment made them feel bad and you replied with something like “it’s just a joke, don’t be so sensitive” than my friend, you are wrong and you are showing your spouse that you don’t respect them or their feelings. If you want things to be better you need to figure out why you are lashing out (yes, that’s exactly what you’re doing) at your spouse. What insecurity or resentments do you feel that make you want to lash out like that?
Step two goes along with step one. When your spouse tries to talk to you, how do you respond? Do you shut them down or do you try to listen. Few of us are great listeners. Most of us just wait for our turn to talk and we don’t really pay that much attention to what’s being said. If you want to be a happier person with a better marriage (actually all your relationships can be better) than your best bet is to train yourself to be a good listener. This might take time but it’s time well spent.
Hear what your partner is saying. If you feel like they aren’t really saying what they mean, than ask them what they mean. For example, let’s say that you’re sensitive about your weight. If you are you’re very likely to hear insults and digs where there really aren’t any. So if your spouse makes a comment about some fat person they saw on the beach, it’s very likely that in your mind you heard something like “wow, I wish you’d lose weight, I just don’t find you attractive” or something to that effect. The point is that your spouse may have meant it just exactly how they said it or they may have meant it exactly how you think they meant it. Either way, ask them.
The best help save marriage advice I can give is to be confidant and comfortable in you. Like who you are and you’ll be far less likely to lash out at your spouse because of the pain you’re feeling about your own insecurity. This is what leads to lack of respect and lack of communication.